You're completely useless in the revolution.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
