If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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