I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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