Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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