I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
