She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize