I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize