the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
its liver damage thursday
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
