Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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