never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
my liver is dry heaving
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
