I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Michael Bay diarrhea
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
