He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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