I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
