But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
