My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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