I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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