I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
not ubering you a puppy
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
