he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
