I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize