Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
