who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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