Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
