i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
