Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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