If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
