Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
