1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
