At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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