every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
she told me i tasted like america
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
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