I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Randomize
