We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
