meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
