i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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