You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
