Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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