Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
