So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
