hotel room ftw
Can Purell be used as lube?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
