he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
