Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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