Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
