Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
