He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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