He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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