Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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