i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Randomize
