I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize