i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
