no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
