So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize