If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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