i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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