We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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