Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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