so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
