Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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