I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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