Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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