Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
