how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
