he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
