so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
