So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
