They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
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