you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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